The Style Blog

7 Ideas for How to Write Wedding Vows from a Vow Expert

Written by Katelyn Stanis March 27, 2020

Stressed about writing your own vows? You’re not alone. Writing custom vows is one of the most challenging parts of the wedding planning process.

But you’re in luck. As a professional wedding vow writer, I’m here to share with you my seven ideas for how to write vows that you’ll feel confident to recite and that your partner will cherish. 

Brainstorm Vow Writing Ideas
When it comes to writing wedding vows, the hardest part is with where to begin. 
Before you even attempt to write the first draft, start with a brainstorm. 
Do what I call the “pen to paper” exercise. To do this, dedicate 15 minutes to jotting down any memory, feeling, or thought related to your partner and relationship.

Don’t take your pen off of the paper for the full 15 minutes. Just keep writing. Ideas will pour onto the paper without you overthinking it.
Once the exercise is complete, you’ll have a ton of material to choose from for your vows. Plus, you won’t feel as much pressure when you sit down to actually write. 

Follow a Vow Outline
An outline can help to organize your thoughts and give structure to your vows. Here are three key sections you should include within your vows: 

1. Communicate What You Love About Your Partner
Communicating words of affirmation is a nice way to kick off your vows. 

Use these writing prompts to come up with ideas for this section:

  • What qualities do you admire in your partner? 
  • What characteristics do they have that you don’t? 
  • What do you love about their personality? 
  • When you think of them, what makes you most grateful?
2. Describe What You Appreciate About Your Relationship
Next, detail out the reasons you value your special bond and relationship style. 

Consider what makes this relationship unique compared to past ones? How will your partnership affect your marriage.

3. List Specific Promises

This section is the most important. A vow, after all, is a promise. So it’s vital that you include specific promises within your vows. 

I recommend including three to six promises. 

When it comes to tone, 80% of the promises should be on the serious and romantic side while 20% can be more playful and humorous vows
This way, your promises will stand the test of time throughout your entire marriage.

4. Practice Reciting Your Vows 

Writing your vows is only half of the hurdle. Next, you need to be prepared to recite them publicly. 

Whether you have anxiety just thinking about this part or whether you’re a seasoned speaker, practice reading your vows out loud at least three to six times before your wedding date. 

You’ll feel more comfortable when it comes time to actually recite them during your ceremony. 

Here are a few more public speaking tips: 

  • Slow down and speak up. When we’re nervous we tend to talk quickly to get through it and quietly to hide our voice. 
  • Do not read your vows from your phone. The back light can discolor your face in photos and videos. Plus, it looks impersonal. Instead, write your vows in a vow booklet or print a copy. 
  • Make eye contact with your partner. You want to really connect at this moment. 
Work With a Professional Vow Writer 
Are you still feeling overwhelmed at the idea of writing your own vows?
Get in touch and we’ll collaborate together to remove your stress and write heartfelt vows together.

About the Author

Katelyn Stanis - Wedding Words Photo by Asher Gardner

Katelyn Stanis is the owner and creator of Wedding Words. She helps tongue-tied couples from across the world tie the knot through her one-on-one custom vow and speech writing services.

With a B.A. in Journalism, Katelyn has always adored asking people the right questions to unearth their own vibrant story. Today, she uses that same passion to discover the details of a couple's love story and collaborates to put their heart into words.

Her work has been featured in The New York Times, Forbes, Brides, and Bustle.